I’m not sure why most parents vilify walking. Walking is lovely. It’s baby opening drawers and being fascinated by drawers that is hellish.
About a month ago, my lil guy learned how to descend from the big bed, more or less safely. A couple of yoga mats protect him from harm as he slides off backwards and invariably lands on his pampered bum.
About a week ago, he paired this with opening the big bed side tables. Now most of the cabinets and drawers in the house are baby proofed, thanks to Ikea (patrull latches). But my bed’s side tables and my dresser is designed in such a way, it’s Ikea-proof.
So now, my little co-sleeper’s morning routine goes like this:
He wakes up at 7am (no matter what time he’s slept),
slides off the big bed,
lands on his pampered bum on the yoga mats,
squeals in excitement and leaps towards…
… the side table drawers.
Everything dangerous in there has been safely wrapped in pouches. So the danger now is that baby will excitedly ram shut the drawer and hurt his precious little fingers.
So, my morning routine now goes like this:
Disturbed sleep for 30 minutes praying little one will settle.
Desperately attempt to nurse baby in hopes he will stay asleep for another 30 minutes.
Try to sleep as now awakened baby attempts to pull out my hair and poke out my eyeballs.
Tickle him and drag him to safe center of big bed.
Try to close eyes for just one second while encircling him with body in protective she-wolf stance.
Question existence as baby crawls over me with Olympic levels of efficiency.
Leap off bed to protect baby’s precious fingertips.
Wedge fist into drawer to protect against excited slamming.
Use free hand to remove plastic and cardboard delights from baby’s mouth.
Will sore back to wake up and stop being sore.
Curse darling husband who is sleeping soundly in baby’s play room.
Look at towel-strewn crib with deep regrets at past laziness and failure at sleep training.
Coo at little darling angel and remove cardboard from his mouth.
I suppose I should go baby proof the side table now that he’s asleep, hmm?
The style of this post was inspired by the epic, funny and actually kind of depressing look at our collective futures as mothers… Why Mummy Drinks by Gill Sims